romance.

I don't need a guy in my life to be happy

They are only in my head to distract me 

They lay siege to my mind when I'm bored

The small things woo me; their looks, their little actions

When, really, they are a giant sword come to be my giant distraction

That dilutes my mind and diminishes my value 

It's time I let the delusions go and look at the world with a new view

Now, I take a breath of fresh air

And find new thoughts to make my fire flare

Death by black oil — 12/12/23

Like black oil smothering my lungs and heart

It makes me gag and want to dart

From the icky feeling

A weirdo, in desperation, I did so wrongfully attract

His actions felt like a slick attack

I keep running, looking for a place to hide

Not wanting to encounter one of his two sides

I know deep down; he's still a child

But certain aspects of his behavior are way too wild

Despite my regret, I am still thankfull

I've learned not to act different towards them, not to act overly graceful

The girl whose every action, every thought was for the attention of others has died

And in her place a lion has arrived

Instead, by being myself, I now feel free

And no longer have to care about what others think of me

Because all that matters is me, myself, and I 

I shouldn't have to throw away my peace and happiness for a guy

None of them are even worth it you see 

Glory, is all that matters now for me

letting go — 12/24/23

but for some reason i can't help but want to still reach out to him

despite barely knowing who he is 

for some reason, i just want to see him all the time

see him smile

or not smile

doesn't matter

it's enought to keep me happy for awhile

i think he's just filling a void 

of loneliness that's just started to creep into my heart

because i'm not used to my current state of life

that's sometimes so cold you feel like you're being cut with a knife

but he doesn't matter, he never will

don't make him be your happienss pill

don't waste your time on someone you barely know 

for a feeling that is fleeting and soon will go 

don't waste your time on someone who doesn't care for you 

find happiness within and accept that sometimes you will be blue 

now take that freedom and run far, far away from these thoughts 

let's end your futile love story with one last dot

how he makes me feel, why does he make me feel, i don't want to feel — 11/06/23

why does my heart beat

whenever its him i see

our eyes don't even meet

he's blind to me 

i don't even understand completely,

why he garners my attention

when i think back to how he used to be 

and how he treated me

i want to know the reason

i want to forget this feeling

it makes me feel weak

make it stop, please

like a whisper in the wind — 11/06/23

like a whisper in the wind

it calls to me 

alluring, it makes my heart beat

sometimes it loud 

a shout

i try to cover my ears to drown it out 

to no avail

i know i just have to wait out the storm

abstract — 11/06/23

i don't want to stay in this cage

forced to watch your silly play

i just wanna be set free

to go and follow my destiny

hyperrealism; romance, it's all your fault. — 11/06/23

in my life why has romance become such a necessity

just a single glance/advance/chance and they become like the air i need to breath

its too much for me

a distraction i'm always forced to see

in my mind and when i chance upon them

in real life

my face burns with ecstacy

but i want to leave them behind

because i believe 

there's better things in life i want to find

when i'm around you i can't breath — 11/07/23